The work we do, as pastors to college students, can often be incredibly rewarding and fulfilling.

But it can also be draining.

Physically. Emotionally.

Even spiritually.

And truthfully, we probably expect this — at least to some degree.  In fact, I think we might find ourselves more than a little concerned if, at the end of an academic year of serving students, we still felt like we had a lot left in our tank. I believe the feelings of depletion we commonly feel this time of year represent the vast array of ministry effort and endeavors from a year of faithful service.

But I think there’s a difference — a big, BIG difference — between physical exhaustion or emotional weariness and spiritual emptiness.

If we’re honest, we can probably all confess to times when we’ve been much better about caring for the needs of others than we have our own. We’ve been much more concerned about the spiritual health and well-being of our students than we have been ourselves. We poured ourselves into others and allowed our own souls to run dry. We may have even justified it as a casualty of caring too much — about God and others.

But the truth is, if we’re not intentionally investing our time and energies into three key relationships of our own, then we might too often find ourselves in a spiritual desert.

What are these key relationships?

The first, quite obviously, is our relationship with God. The one made possible to us by the saving work of Jesus on the cross — and not something we’re earning through our daily work.  It’s consistently being informed by the movement and work of the Holy Spirit — and not by what’s happening in the life of the influential Christian leader we follow — maybe too closely — on Twitter. It’s a relationship that must be priority number one — always. It’s the relationship that shapes everything else. It’s the relationship that our students are expecting us to have given the nature of our roles — not to mention the levels of faith and trust their putting in our leadership and guidance.

I love the Old Testament example we see in the relationship between Moses and God. It’s full of highs and lows. A refreshing rawness. Reason upon reason for both frustration and all out worship! Moses never gave up on God. And we know that God never gives up on any of His children. Moses was called to lead a stubborn bunch through some of the most challenging of circumstances… and I’m certain that both his call, and ability to lead them as faithfully and as far as he did, had everything to do with his dynamic relationship with God — as challenging as it had to have been at times. I think we see this same kind of relationship exemplified in the lives of the prophets, the Disciples, Paul and others.

The second key relationship is the one we have with a pastor, spiritual director, or mentor. I’m talking about someone who is interested — primarily, if not solely — in our spiritual health and well-being.  Someone who’s willing to ask the hard questions that cause us to shine light into the dark recesses of our hearts and minds in order to flush out that which does not belong. It likely cannot be someone who is equally — or even more so — interested in bottom-lines, attendance figures, publicity strategies for upcoming events, etc.

Here I think of the biblical examples of Jesus and the Disciples, Paul and Timothy, Esther and Mordecai, Ruth and Naomi, and Eli and Samuel. Starting at a young age Eli was about helping Samuel recognize the voice of God and how to follow His leading. Eli taught Samuel about much more than the duties of a priest or work of a judge. He taught him about integrity. He taught him about matching up his words and his actions. He taught him about giving his life away. He taught him about loving others. He taught him about being a man of deep faith and conviction. We all need an Eli in our lives — at all times in our lives — and I think this is one of those relationships that can be increasingly challenging to find the older we get and the more we move around. It is, however, a must.

Finally, the third key relationship we need as ministers is one with a peer, colleague or friend (or even better, a group of them) who we can simply be ourselves with. These people allow us to leave our titles, roles and responsibilities at the door. They don’t need us to be anything but real with them. Sure, we’ll encourage, pray for and support them — but hopefully to an equal degree that they will do for us as well. These are people we can cut up with, share our deepest concerns with, dream with and pray with. They provide us space to have fun — but are also willing to cut to the chase and help us to deal with the things we need to deal with. They become a tool that God uses to sharpen us, mold us and make us more into Christ-likeness.

Here I think of the biblical examples of the Disciples (after Jesus had ascended into heaven), Paul and Barnabas, David and Jonathan. Likely two of the most unlikely friends within the Bible, Jonathan was the heir to the throne, but David was God’s anointed who would one day replace King Saul. It should have made them bitter foes, not the best of friends. But Jonathan and David developed a deep kinship that few men ever experience (which is quite sad — we men have a lot to learn from our female counterparts in this regard). There was encouragement and accountability. They had each other’s backs. They pointed each other to God. It was a friendship of the truest and purest kind.

I believe that God desires us to be engaged in these kinds of relationships. I believe that each of these key relationships is meant to be life-giving, and even life changing. I believe they are graces offered to us by God.

We may not having any control over:

• how supported we are by our institution or organization, or
• how much our boss invests in us, or
• how encouraging and edifying our co-workers are, or
• how engaged our student leaders are, or even
• how responsive the students on our campuses are to the work that we do…

But we do have control over our ability to pursue and prioritize these three essential relationships for college ministers. And if we do have the support of our institution or organization, or a boss that  consistently invests in us, or co-workers that embrace the notion of team and togetherness, or student leaders who match or surpass us in passion for the campus, or even students across campus who respond to our ongoing efforts… well, then that’s good reason to celebrate the mighty work of God in our midst.

So where do you find yourself today?

• How intimate is your relationship with God? (be honest with yourself)
• Do you have someone out in front of you on the journey, who’s all about your success in your relationship with Jesus?
• Are their friends in your life who serve to sharpen you — as iron sharpens iron?
• What changes do you need to make today in these areas?

I’d love to know what you think. Please take a moment to share a thought or question in the comment section below.

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