Updated 4/25/12

A big part of the college experience is about growing up.

Becoming an adult.

Learning how to adult things… like talk to adults.

But one of the hardest sub-sets of this adult category for college students to talk with can be their parents.

Maybe it has to do with the potential of disappointing them.

Or maybe there is a fear of what ramifications might come as a result of a confession or conversations surrounding certain subjects.

The reality is that our students need to learn how to talk with their parents — especially about some of the bigger things that they’re dealing with.

It’s a part of growing up.

It’s a part of becoming an adult.

No… hard conversations are not fun.

But they can be so good.

In a previous post I talked about: When God Shows Up In Unlikely Places, and shared some of my own story of calling — when God showed up in my dorm room while I was preparing to register for classes at the end of my freshmen year.

As exciting as this experience was for me in that moment, I must confess that I was quite nervous about sharing the news with my parents.

Why?

Well, for starters, my parents weren’t committed Christians at that point in time.  Yes, they raised my brothers and I in the Church.  But they’d be the first to tell you  that, back then, it meant little to them.

So when I committed my life to Christ in high school, through our local Young Life ministry, my parents weren’t quite sure how to comprehend it all.

Add to this change in their son, my declaration of wanting to attend an expensive Christian college in the area.

Now the change in me was going to cost them money.  My dad tried to encourage me to attend the much more affordable state university, but I insisted that the Christian college was where I wanted/needed to be.

He made sure that I knew what my “fair share” of the school loans would be.

And with that I think there was a level of peace established — at least on the financial side of the matter — believing that, as a science major, I would likely find my way into a well-paying job and therefore quickly (and easily) take care of those loans.

Taking all of this into consideration, I knew that my decision to change majors — and follow the path that I sensed God leading me down — would not be one warmly received by my parents.

Thankfully, I had the support and encouragement of my campus pastors.  People who were watching me learn and grow in my faith — and they helped me to see the importance of having this conversation as a part of my continued growth and formation.

So I did.

And no, it wasn’t the easiest conversation (or series of conversations) I’ve ever had.

But I was laying claim to my sense of calling.

I was taking ownership of my decisions regarding my future… including that I would still be responsible for the loans I was taking out for school — on whatever a ministry degree might earn me.

And I believe that in and through that process the Lord shaped me, and grew my confidence — in God, myself and my changing relationship with my parents.

I was doing it.

I was becoming an adult.

And as important as it was for me to take these steps I did back then, I think they are all the more necessary for our students to take today.

The Emerging Adulthood season of life is making decisions, and transitions, like this much less common on our campuses — and in our students.

So I wonder:

• What are some of the ways we are encouraging our students to grow up?
• In what ways are we helping them to take new steps in their relationship with their parents?
• In what ways are we encouraging them to take more ownership of their life? Their future?

For me, the issues centered around vocation and money.

For some of our students these hard decisions and difficult conversations could include issues of:

• sex
• sexuality
• abuse
• drugs/alcohol
• eating disorders
• changing beliefs
• depression
• anxiety
• changing their major
• money problems
• wanting to quit school

And the list could go on and on.

Helping students to learn how to talk to their parents, like maturing young adults, is significant to their overall growth and development.

And I believe we are called to assist them in this process.

What do you think?