At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, ‘Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’ 2He called a child, whom he put among them, 3and said, ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.4Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. Matthew 18:1-5
As I think back across my 12 years of ministry I am struck by the deep sense of movement I have experienced in both my life and faith. Through the process, I have discovered that God is actually a living and moving redeemer who is constantly both leading and chasing. This seems to stand in stark contrast to my childhood understanding of how God relates to us. In this, I saw God as an unattainable goal in which I was to pursue or chase after. God was a solid immovable force that was so far away that only really “good” (i.e. well behaved, tithe giving people who always said “bless you my child” when you sneezed or did something wrong) Christians could catch a glimpse. Maybe, for you, God still resembles this sort of caricature and I suppose God really does possess some these sorts of attributes, but my experience has shaped an image that is far more organic and tangible.
I began my journey as a college sophomore working as a youth director at Centenary UMC. Here, I was pursuing that solid state God whom I was desperately trying to impress. I built a resume that any college student would want to attach as their email signature and it included things like: director of children, youth, and young adult ministries, director of children and adult choirs, I chaired several boards and agencies within my community that served poor and needy people, and I was active in my fraternity. I started a homeless breakfast program that fed thousands of people every year and I was even an advisor to the President of Mercer University! Surely God was sitting upon the throne of creation and smiling at the work I was doing. I think I even began to say “bless you!” What I found in this stoic stage of spiritual maturity was an overwhelming sense of emptiness and loneliness. By the time I had graduated college and began seminary I realized that God wanted more. Not more activity and bluster, but more of my life, my heart.
It seems I have come 180° from my over-anxious, over-worked beginning 12 years ago. Since I completed seminary have finally begun to actually rest within my faith and my work as a campus minister and I have discovered that God is far more like my mom than the statue of Abraham Lincoln as he sits in his memorial. I mean no disrespect, especially considering my mother’s attributes, insomuch as I am trying to place into words the feelings I now hold of God. In this, God, like a good mother, is far less impressed with my lengthy and powerful resume as He is with my desire to sit next to Him and listen to Him tell me stories as I tell Him everything that’s on my heart (all the juicy details included). It also seems that in all my busyness (even as honorable and churchy as it is) I am never home enough. More importantly, though, is that no matter my shortcomings, failures, or even my successes, God’s love for me, His desire to chase after me and lead me – NEVER changes, never fails.
I probably owe much of this conversion experience to my college students. They have a way of breaking through all the rhetoric and cutting to the chase, so to speak. For example, one Tuesday night I had to attend a funeral visitation for a former member of a church I once served and was dressed in my appropriate preacher suite and tie attire. The line was long and I ended up running a little late to our Tuesday night worship service. I snuck in the back of the worship hall and waited for my turn to speak. As I walked to the front of the space I heard the snickers and chuckles as students saw what I was wearing. See, simply wearing a suit (a sign of authority in much of our world) did not garner some distinct privilege or power. Instead, it looked ridiculous or as if I was trying to impress somebody. In the same way, my students really did not care how many degrees, honors, or achievements I could hang on my wall. They did not care whether I got to speak on the floor of Annual Conference. All they cared about was whether I was there for them, invested in them, and gave them a chance to lead while being led.
Wow, it kind of sounds like that scene in Matthew 18 where the Disciples are arguing about who is the greatest among them. It seems the underlying argument is really about who is doing the most or who has achieved the most in their time with Christ. Jesus hears the argument and answers it with a child by saying real greatness lies not in achievement or power but on love and dependence. I suppose this is where I am today with God. I have spent most of my 30 years of life trying to be an adult and now I am trying to learn how to be a kid again… or maybe for the first time.
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Michael is the Director of Campus Ministry Resources and Training for The United Methodist Church. Prior to this, he was the founding Campus Pastor at the Wesley Foundation of Macon in Macon, Georgia where he served for eight years. He is deeply thankful for the many students who have transformed his life and faith.
