Walking alone.

Far too many of our students are doing it these days…

I’m not talking about walking alone late at night (although too many are doing that as well), but I’m talking about their approach to life during their formative college years.

Sure, they have friends.

Well, kind of.

They’ve made acquaintances that are often based off of similar tastes in music, class schedules, fashion sense, hometown, housing arrangement, etc… and while some of these relationships have the potential to drift into deeper waters — most never will.

And so many college students will go through these significant years only quasi-connected.

They settle for surface-level relationships, often not knowing they are doing so, and as a result they are rarely — if ever — challenged to move beyond “the shallows” and into deeper waters.

The “deeper waters” I speak of refer to a deeper life with God.

An owned faith.

A growing understanding of who they are, whose they are and how they’ve been created — and why!

A growing and maturing belief system.

A life that is attempting to be lived in congruence with the beliefs that are shaping it.

And strangely — or maybe divinely — we find ourselves in a position to do something about it…

I believe there are two key relationships (outside of their relationship with God) that have been forgotten. Or overlooked. And they need to be reclaimed in the lives of college students — especially during these highly formative years.

The two relationships are with:

1. mentors and
2. spiritual friends

First, mentors.

College is defined, at least in part, as a time of self-exploration… a “finding one’s self.” It’s a time for students to “experiment” within a number of the new-found freedoms they are now availed to — without much foresight given to the kinds of long-term effects those experiments might have.

And for the most part, they want to do it for themselves.

They’re not looking for a guide.

They don’t want to be told what to do or how to do it or what to avoid or hear that they are “doing it all wrong.”

They want to figure it out for themselves.

And that’s where most of us are willing to leave them — or feel compelled to leave them.

But we can’t. This is where we need to be willing to step in and encourage them to enter into a mentoring-type relationship — be it with us or someone else.

I know, I know… we’d like the students to initiate this kind of relationship — because it speaks to their level of interest and commitment. But if we wait for them to initiate… well, we might find ourselves waiting indefinitely.

We need to better define, or redefine, for students what it means to sit with someone who has faithfully lived through their college years, and lived a little more life than they have, so that they might now make themselves available to college students. Not necessarily as a guide to follow, but maybe more so as a companion for the journey — one who’s walked a similar path, has a bit more experience and who just might have something to offer.

We need to help broker and foster these kinds of relationships on our campuses and in our churches.

We cannot play this role in the lives of every student.

We cannot.

This may necessitate identifying, encouraging and even doing some training with potential mentors around campus… and that will be time well spent!

The second relationship, or set of relationships, we need to help broker are what I will call “spiritual” friendships.

This is helping students of similar hearts and minds to find each other.

A group of guys. A group of gals.

Again, given our unique vantage point we might be best able to see what many of our students cannot.

Pairs, triads, foursomes or more!

A group of students who may not have any other reason for coming together other than the fact that they love God, want to make their faith central to how they live and are willing to enter into an “iron sharpening iron” kind of relationship.

We all know that these kinds of relationships rarely happen on their own.

But these peer relationships, just like the ones with their mentors, have the potential to be some of the most formative tools in the hands of a God at work.

SO, as we prepare for another year of ministry with college students, I find myself wondering:

• How well do you feel you foster these kinds of relationships — mentors and spiritual friendships?
• Is there anything hindering you from making these more of a priority within your ministry efforts — for the sake of the students?
• What is one tangible change, shift, addition, etc. that you plan to make in this area for the upcoming year?

I still remember the people who fit into these relational roles for me during my college years. To this day they continue to be some of the very best friends, influences and examples I have ever had.

 

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