College can be a time of significant change.

There are so many factors that come into play during this very formative time in life, and as pastors to this demographic we often get a front row seat to the process.

But the reality of change — especially significant change — can be hard for family and friends back home to comprehend and/or accept.

They can struggle to understand what happened to their student/friend that had been left in the watchful care of school officials…

And in a moment of desperation it may be YOU that they reach out to.

What do you say to the parent who says, “Can you help me make sense of my student? I barely recognize them anymore and I’m concerned.”

How do you advise the student who comes to you and explains that their parents are asking a lot of questions, seem upset about some of the decisions that they — as a student — are making, and even seem to be antagonistic about the faith that they — as a student — are trying to live out.

How do you juxtapose the statement from Jesus about family where he states:

Mark 3:31 Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. 32 A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.”

33“Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked.

34 Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! 35 Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

with the 5th of the 10 commandments — the first of the commandments that applied to earthly relationships and comes with a promise — a command that is recorded in each of the four Gospel accounts:

Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

There appears to be a tension here — but is there?

I believe there are ways for students, as they transition from being a fully dependent child to an increasingly independent young adult, to respectfully begin to communicate with their parents as someone who is taking increasing ownership of their faith (and life) and becoming their own person.

This will likely not be easy.

And strangely it doesn’t happen as often as I would hope.

But as someone who went through this as a student — and have now walked a number of students (and parents) through this process — I know how important it can be to be a ready and willing guide down this path.

What do you think?

• How do you navigate this complex path?
• How might you assist parents to better understand their student and what they’re going through? How might you encourage them to engage their student and/or give them space?
• How might you encourage students to better understand their parents’ concerns and better communicate with them?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!