In my 10 years of sharing with singles (primarily college students) I’ve zeroed in on four lies I think we need to overcome in order to lead our students into sexual freedom and, more importantly, their true identity in Christ.
As a pastor of students, and father of five small children, I am deeply troubled by the statistics describing the sexual practices of today’s young people.
Sometimes I wish I had the ability to sit down with students and allow them to look 5 years, 10 years, or maybe even 15 years into the future — so they could see how their present actions will have a direct impact on their future.
I honestly believe that if more students knew how their choices today would impact their lives in the years to come, they’d make changes in their lives.
At least I hope they would.
Jesus told the Samaritan Woman that ‘whoever drinks of this water will thirst again.’ (John 4:13 emphasis mine)
Never before has this Scripture come screaming at me as it does when I watch some of the interactions of students on the college campus. The phenomenon of dating is evolving, and the church isn’t keeping up. The idea of a more traditional mindset of dating where the guy talks with the family…especially the father…about courting his daughter is nothing more than a manuscript of a 1950’s sitcom that airs reruns on TVLand.
Gone are the ideals of respect, trust, love and commitment.
What would it look like to be content in our waiting and with our sexuality, as both singles and marrieds, not because we’re perfect at waiting for sex or we’re perfectly sexual but because we’re content in our humanity, in our femininity and masculinity, in our longing for union with the trinity?
For the past 10 years, I have been privileged to be the pastor, counselor, mentor, “Dad,” spiritual guide, and friend to hundreds upon hundreds of students at Florida State University.
We’ve discussed everything from theology to dating to vocations and callings. We’ve laughed together, and we’ve cried. Some talks have brightened my days, and some have broken my heart.
Among the heartbreakers, a persistent, nagging theme has recently emerged via three different, but related, issues…
“If God was looking down on you, would it look any different to Him?”
I was in college and struggling with setting physical boundaries with my current boyfriend. I knew that God intended sex for within the confines of marriage and believed there were consequences if I disobeyed, but I wasn’t sure where the line was. How far is too far? I knew I felt shame and guilt for some of the behavior I had engaged in, but was it really wrong or was I over re-acting?
I shared these thoughts with my friend and mentor, Jenn.
The digital age has completely changed any conversation relating to sex. Statistics tell us that by the time a college student arrives on campus, they have been exposed to sexually explicit material for an average of seven years.
Those of us who work with students on a regular basis recognize the emotional and spiritual toll this takes on those on our campuses. We see the numbness, the apathy and the brokenness that often accompanies this saturation of explicit material.
Increasingly, I am becoming more aware of the physical manifestations of a sexual identity formed in the digital age. There is a growing amount of research relating to the actual neurological changes caused by long-term exposure to explicit material. The scientific term for this is neuroplasticity. Neurologically speaking, route behaviors we participate in have the ability to wire our brain to respond in certain ways and to specific stimuli.
The primary reason that college students leave their faith in college is their personal desire for sexual freedom and its incompatibility with religious morality.
Approximately 65% of all college students have had sex.
25% of college women’s first encounter with sex was unwanted or forced.
Less than 30% of college students have had a healthy conversation with their parents about the “birds and the bees”
GK Chesterton says, “The guy knocking on the brothel door is knocking for God”
I’m not sure I’m in the best position to make a contribution to this blogathon, given its topic, Sex and the Soul. I have grown long in the tooth and I find myself sounding like my parents.
But, I must be honest: I think the topic looms huge, the veritable 500-pound gorilla always there in the corner of the room.
Maybe a story from my own college experience will help to frame my concern.
I’m excited to announce that as a part of next week’s Sex & the Soul Blogathon, we will be giving away 5 copies of Abbie Smith’s forthcoming book Celibate Sex: Musings on Being Loved, Single, Twisted, and Holy.
Make sure to read all the way to the bottom to learn the context rules!