Dwayne was a fairly simple man. His kids were grown up, and he lived in the middle of Kansas in a mid-size town where he ran a flower shop with his wife. He loved Jesus, valued scripture as supreme authority, and he prayed for college students. He cared. We also didn’t agree on a lot…
I got the text while sitting on LifeWay’s patio in Nashville, TN, with my wife, and two younger men who were going to be coming on to our ministry staff. We were there for a collegiate conference when a man from a separate collegiate ministry in our town texted me. Shortly after he had met with Dwayne that morning, Dwayne had suddenly passed away from a heart attack. He thought I should know since many of my guys met with and really respected Dwayne.
The four of us on the patio stared at our lunches, shocked by the news. Most of us had just recently talked with him. One of the guys was even scheduled to meet with him in just a few days. It was surreal.
You Won’t Win Them With Kindness
As I pondered it, I’d be surprised if there was any believer in our town that didn’t know Dwayne. Yet, before I make it sound like Dwayne was my best friend, let me be clear, I didn’t know him well. In fact, I really knew him for only two reasons:
1. You couldn’t help but know Dwayne. He never came uninvited, but you certainly never had to ask him twice to be at any collegiate event. He was often the only “older” man I could ever get to come to some of our Men’s Ministry events. He stuck out like a sore thumb, but you had to appreciate and respect his desire – every guy did!
2. Theologically speaking, I disagreed with Dwayne on A LOT. I don’t remember exactly how we met, but I know that over the last few years our paths had begun to cross more and more as I invested in others and began to take on roles of leadership. It’s not like he preached heresy, but we definitely interpreted many practices and methods differently.
Just like Dwayne wouldn’t come unless invited, he also would rarely speak unless asked. More and more though, young men asked him to speak into their lives with his experiences and beliefs. He made it known he was available, and he genuinely cared!
That’s the part everyone loves and agrees with – the caring part. I’ve never met anyone, well, not in ministry, that wanted to be known for not caring. However, it’s the reason number two that we’re not all hoping to be remembered for.
We rally ourselves as collegiate ministers and prepare year after year for the next wave of worthy investments, emotional drains, and spiritual challenges, and one truth overshadows it all: We’re supposed to have something to offer! Now, I know, I know, that’s the gospel of Jesus, right? Sorta like, “Yea, he died for you and saved you and loved you. Oh, and he did it for me too, and that’s why I love you now!” Something like that, right?
But, how come nobody wants to jump into what he saved us from? How come nobody wants to talk about what he saved us too? How come nobody wants to address the arguments being presented in the university about why we don’t need a savior? How come… I could go on, but you get the point?
One sad trait I find all too common are adults, believing they will simply “love this generation to Christ.” You won’t. They don’t know what love is, and what the world offers seems close enough to count with typically quicker satisfaction.
You Have To Have Something To Offer
It’s easy and it feels good to be everyone’s “friend,” but it’s hard work to have substance to offer. We need to learn to love with truth as well – our doctrine matters. I’m not too far removed from the students yet, so I feel I can speak on their behalf still:
Give me something to agree or disagree with, and I’ll respect you. Give me that and do it in love, I’ll like you… and that’s what you’re wanting anyways right?
We are living in an information age, and students want quality substance to hold on to, not just a soft soap kindness. Your kindness will never outmatch the perceived affection they can readily receive every weekend. Your kindness with quality substance can, and in time, will.
You see, Dwayne never had an official title. Dwayne was never a director of “this” or a leader of “that.” Yet, Dwayne wasn’t scared to say he thought something. He valued God’s word as authority, he recognized he was capable of being wrong, he studied, thought, listened and shared.
A week before Dwayne passed I was asked by an upcoming young student leader in our ministry to sit down with he and Dwayne because the student was having trouble reconciling the theological teachings he was receiving from the two of us separately.
At the end of it, Dwayne said to me, “We’ve been around each other a lot, but I believe this is the longest we’ve ever spoken.”
I was slightly taken back by it, but I realized he was right. I always just felt like I knew him. His beliefs, convictions, and actions preceded him, and no coffee date was needed to know what he was about. It was desired though, in order to learn it!
Though I didn’t agree with him on everything, I’d take a thousand more men just like him, any day, in any community. He simply believed in investing in people, and because of this, he believed he needed to have something to invest.
What Shall We Do?
The world provides us with deep, rich doctrine whether anyone acknowledges that or not. False prophets run rampant from the stereos and professors to the girl in your small group every week who’s actually a better friend to your students than you will ever get the chance to be. So what shall we do?
Develop your doctrine. Stop saying, “Oh I just don’t get into all that. I just love like Christ did.” What? No you don’t. Christ was God. Thus, he undoubtedly had a rather robust “study of God,” a.k.a. theology. So should we if we think we’re going to love like him.
We want to offer hope not only to salvation, but to wisdom, understanding, and fullness of life. It’s the hunger for that which will lead a community to salvation in Christ.
Then if we’ve done well, those who would grieve our absence the most will also be those whose grief is most easily replaced by the joy in the understanding that we, the ministers moved on, are experiencing our fullness of joy in the presence of Christ – knowing fully, even as we have been fully known.
May you continue the hard work, and may many continue it after you, when you have your rest.
5 thoughts on “You Need Doctrine, Not More Kindness”
Solid article – I believe that this answers many questions as to how the church can be united despite disagreements
Thanks Ben! Yep, theological disagreements don’t have to be an end to relationships and unity. Care to expound upon why you say this though? I’d like to know your thoughts.
I agree that we need to develop our doctrine as much as possible based on the Word and not experience. One temptation we can face is to fall in love with the doctrine of a specific passage or teaching rather than to fall in love with Christ alone. Although you cannot serve or worship a God we do not know. While we know in part let us fill our knowledge. Good points Riley… One point to add is that whatever knowledge you have, you got it from God, if its true. Pray pray pray for it.
As one of your “older” friends, I offer…If I speak with tongues of men and of angels yet have not love then I am just a clanging cymbol. God’s doctrine is love, which is why He sent Jesus to reconcile us to Himself. His kindness leads us to repentance. If college students don’t know what love is, then consistently showing them by example is needful! The study of God is the study of love, really. If we are arrogant and pushy in our knowledge, it’s a repellant. Aren’t we like the pharasees whom Jesus chastized often for doing so? They were experts of the law, they did everything right, they had daily prayer time, followed and invented the shoulds and should-nots, but missed the whole point. I totally get having something substantive to offer, and especially to students who are seeking knowledge anyway. Why not show them how deep and wide is the love that Christ lavishes on us? If I study that my whole life, I still will only scratch the surface.
Hey Sandy, I think you’re so right. The headline is made to grab attention, but hopefully you see that, especially with the example of Dwayne, that I def agree with you here. When we aim for just “love” though, we often miss truly adding value to the person. When we aim for a full “knowledge of Christ” (as scripture puts it), then the only possible result of a TRUE understanding of Christ is to love hard – with kindness and substance. 🙂
So I think we’re in agreement here. Thanks for your wise words!
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