I’ve been having a conversation with a colleague this morning about some of his disturbing findings from a recent survey he sent out to his students on the topic of sex.

Equally troubling for him has been what he perceives to be a “late entrance into the game.”

Based on what he’s finding, he can’t believe that he hasn’t addressed this issue sooner.

And if we’re honest with ourselves, most of us can probably relate… because we have struggled (or currently are) to initiate conversations with students about their sexual practices, history, experimentation, philosophy, broken-ness and perceptions about what is “normal” and “commonplace” among their peers.

But why are we afraid? What is it we really fear?

I think some of the most common fears are:

• that we will open Pandora’s box and be unable to deal with the overwhelming amount of pain, hurt, struggle and strife our students are currently dealing with;
• that our students will find us weird or awkward for bringing it up;
• that we will learn things about our students that we wished we did not know;
• that it will change our relationship with a student (in a bad way);
• and that we will ultimately be unable to really “help” our students with the issues they are dealing with.

And while I understand these fears — very much so — I think there are far greater “benefits” for being willing to “open the door” to this subject within our ministries. Here’s why:

• it can reveal common misconceptions that students have about sex and sexuality;
• it can unveil the road to freedom in Christ that our students have been searching for;
• it can help students to see the relevance of faith in the area of sex, sexuality and intimacy (and other areas as well);
• it can grow the levels of trust and relationship between us and those we serve. NOTE: there are obvious reasons to make as many of these conversations “gender appropriate” — so if you are a one-person or one-gender ministry (at the professional-level) you may need to think through any necessary accommodations for your students and ministry;
• it has the potential to catalyze your ministry to the next level (not that this is a primary reason to do it) because students will learn that your ministry is about walking faithfully with students through real issues, tough issues;
• and I’m sure there are many more benefits that could be shared… but you get the point!

So the obvious “next question” is how… How do we broach this subject in an effective (and in-awkward as possible) way?

Here are a few ideas I have… but invite you to add your own ideas in the comment section below:

1. Compose and distribute a survey. This allows you to ask the kinds of questions you really want to know about… and gear them specifically to your students in your particular context. I think this is one of the most effective ways to initiate this kind of conversation because it allows students to share — openly and anonymously — without feeling like they will be exposed.
2. Teach on the topic. Whether it’s in a large or small group setting, devote some of your time this term to teaching about what the Bible has to say in terms of healthy relationships, sex, sexuality, etc. As a part of this time, make sure that you let students know that you (and your staff and/or the counseling center) want to walk with them through any struggles they might be having — regardless of what they are. Also, be sure to stress (and then follow-through with) a judgment-free environment!
3. Blog about it. If you’re not a blogger, consider writing a Facebook note… or something that you can get in front of your students (and obviously — the rest of the iWorld) in which you share from your heart as their pastor. You can decide if that means being “appropriately” revealing about some of your own struggles, or sharing a “what I wish I would have known as a college student” kind of post. This kind of “publication” is something that can be accessed in an ongoing fashion.
4. Be willing to “go there.” When a student comes to you, and initiates a conversation (or simply asks a question) — take a deep breath and dive in. Again, you’ll want to be sensitive to what is appropriate (gender-wise), helpful and even beyond the scope of your own capacity (in which case you’ll want to be ready and able to connect your student with a local counselor)… but the word will likely spread when you are found to be a helpful (and non-judgmental) resource for walking with students through the difficult issues of sex, sexuality and faith… So be prepared for how God may want to use you in this area!

This post is far from complete… so what would you add?

What fears do you have when it comes to initiating conversations about sex and sexuality with students?

What are the “potential benefits” you have experienced (or believe would be experienced) by having these kinds of conversations with students?

How have you initiated these kinds of conversations with students in the past? Are you known to be a helpful resource around campus?