Updated 3/8/12

God IS love.

God is not sex.

But I think that many of us have made an idol out of sex. We’ve made sex a god that we worship. We have made sex out to be the pinnacle expression of love… and while it is great– a special gift from God — it is by no means the be all and end all of love.

The Enemy has sold us a bill of lies.

And he’s been using the powerful influence of pop-culture and the media to do it… for much of our lives.

Daily we have been bombarded with images and ideas, suggestions and scenarios, that mis-shape and deform our attitudes and appetites in the areas of sex and intimacy.

They have come in the forms of TV commercials and radio ads, billboards and magazine covers, movies and TV shows, texts, tweets and Facebook updates, jokes and stories, gossip and simply TMI!

We have become desensitized to what a healthy and appropriate perspective on sex, sexuality, intimacy and love really is.

And it’s not just us… but our youth as well.

Chap Clark, in his book entitled ‘Hurt’ suggests that because of the increasingly graphic nature of what our young people are exposed to… they are experimenting sexually earlier and earlier in their development.

What they see: on TV, in movies, on the internet, etc., they don’t know what to do with. They don’t have a way to filter or process it… and mistakenly, they figure that it most be OK to try.

And they do.

More and more.

At younger and younger ages.

And it’s wounding them… possibly like it’s wounded some of us.

Why?

Because there’s something very powerful about how God has created us — as relational beings — and this intimate act of sex is meant to bond us in ways that we cannot understand.

This is what makes it such a gift within the context of marriage, and so dangerous outside of that same context.

Yes, the things we do outside of marriage will follow us into marriage. The memories. The regrets. The pain. The shame. The attitudes about sex.

An unhealthy sex life as a single can lead to an unhealthy sex life as a married person.

Yes, God can redeem our sexual past, but consequences of our impulsive behaviors can be long-lasting.

So why didn’t someone tell us?

Why didn’t we know this before we dove head first into feeding our sexual appetites?

Probably because sex has been one of those things that we just don’t talk about.

But we NEED to talk about!

In the past, if anyone has talked to us about sex… the message was usually pretty simple: it was NO or it was WAIT.

No. No. Don’t do it. Wait. Wait. You can wait. Just wait. Wait until your married. Just wait. No, don’t do it, it’s bad.

“No,” as an answer, has only served to cast suspicion and fear on the idea of sex.

And this isn’t good.

And waiting has been the primary message of abstinence. Just wait until your married.

And that’s it.

And for some… Those words have been enough… at least for a while.

But let’s look quickly and what’s missing from this notion of abstinence.

• Abstinence – the message is to wait until you’re married… implying that sex (this “ultimate” expression of love) is something that you can’t have…. until you’re married… and only then can you experience the BEST of love. Translated — singles can’t experience the best of love.
• Celibacy – suggests that we not only refrain from sexual activity, but that we choose God – and delight ourselves in God – above all else. In this scenario anyone — everyone — is able to experience the best of love.

I think we could liken this to drawing the distinction between starvation and fasting.

Starvation is simply abstaining from eating… we withhold food from our bodies and give it nothing else to feed on.

Fasting, while also abstaining from food, is more about replacing that consumption of food with a more intentional consumption of God.

Consuming God. Pursuing God with everything we have. Putting God first.

Our culture has made a god of sex.

But only God can be God.

Sex is a gift from God — to be experienced in a specific context… but it is not the ultimate expression or experience of love!

How have you seen your students struggle with this?

How do you help students get beyond the immediate gratification of sex to understand love as so much more?

What is the biggest challenge you face when talking with students about sex?