I happen to believe that the most powerful ministry to college age people happens in relationships. And, more pointedly, in inter-generational relationships where an older person is investing in the younger. But whenever we talk about the idea of mentoring someone, or being mentored ourselves, we attach all kinds of different connotations to it. We all enter these relationships with expectations of what that’s supposed to look like. And there is clearly no universal right or wrong answer.
Having said that, over the past couple years I’ve been talking about something I call, “Non-Mentor Mentorship.” I refer to it in this way for one main reason: it seems to immediately strip away connotations and allows me to define what I mean by it. So, here is the definition I’d like to give for a Non-Mentor Mentor:
A spiritually maturing adult who allows a younger person to see and experience their life.
At the very end of Matthew’s gospel Jesus issues a command to his disciples. They were commanded to make disciples themselves. They walked with Jesus into circumstances and out of them, asked him questions, heard his explanations and responses to criticism…they watched and joined him in his everyday life. In and through this they gleaned a huge amount of wisdom and insight by simply watching and experiencing the life of Jesus. Who wouldn’t!?
This is how and why I come to the definition. Over the past 13 years of implementing this idea of focusing on helping older believers open up their lives to college age people is by far the most impacting thing I’ve been a part of in ministry. It’s not only what college age people desire, but I also believe it’s what they need.
There are some real obstacles to implementing this. There are massive generational chasms in most of our churches. There tends to be a lack of common ground between the generations – inside the walls of the church and in every day life. There can be a dichotomy in the way the generations view these relationships – older generations thinking more formally and the younger desiring almost no formality. This difference in view can lead people in the older generations can be very intimidated by the younger – especially those without a type-A personality or the gift of teaching. Those in younger generations can often not see the value of someone investing in them. These are all real issues we face in our college ministries. There are very simple ways to overcome these obstacles. However, for sake of space I’ll push you to my blog (www.CollegeMinistryThoughts.com) where I posted a seminar I did at The Orange Conference on this issue…or to my forthcoming book, College Ministry From Scratch.
In this post I’ll simply cover 3 adjustments or shifts of emphasis a Non-mentor Mentor makes from from what many traditionally think about “mentoring.”
- From Information to Imparting Wisdom. This shift is moving away from our tendency to view a mentor relationship as one that’s centered on gaining information. A Non-mentor mentor doesn’t negate learning more, but places their emphasis on living out the information already obtained.
- From Fixing to Mutual Fascination. This shift moves the mentor away from viewing a college age person as someone needing to be “fixed – or as a project that needs to be brought to completion (that’s God’s job, not the mentors). A Non-mentor mentor helps the person in their weaknesses, but emphasizes their personal relationship with the mentee to the point where both parties are simply fascinated with what God is doing in each other’s life.
- From Teaching to Mutual Transformation. This shift moves the mentor away from the idea that their job is simply to articulate their, or their churches, doctrinal conclusions. A Non-mentor mentor will likely discuss doctrine and theology to appropriate degrees, but their emphasis is moving toward a relationship where both people (mentor and mentee) are being transformed by the way God is using each in the other’s life. It’s a movement from conversation simply focused on conclusions to walking together in and through daily life together as followers of Jesus.
I know there are challenges to overcome with this, but again, there are simple ways of overcoming those. I believe that God uses our weekly gatherings and other programmatic elements of our ministries. But I also believe focusing our ministries on bridging generational chasms in our churches by building Non-mentor Mentor type relationships is the most impacting and sustainable strategy we can have for church-based ministry.
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Chuck Bomar served almost nine years at Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, California, where he started a college ministry from scratch and served as pastor of student ministries. Chuck moved to Portland, Oregon, to start and pastor Colossae Church. He founded and leads CollegeLeader (www.CollegeLeader.org), an organization focused on helping local church leaders understand and embrace ministry to college-aged people. His desire is to help every church, in every context, care for and include college-aged people in everything they do. This mission takes him all over the country to speak and train leaders.
He’s written and developed numerous small group and training resources and is author of College Ministry 101: A Guide to Working with 18-25-year-olds (Zondervan/Youth Specialties, 2009), 99 Thoughts for College-Age People: Insights for Life After High School (Group Publishing, 2009), College Ministry From Scratch: A Practical Guide to Start and Sustain a Successful College Ministry (Zondervan/ Youth Specialties, 2010). His latest release is The Slow Fade: Why You Matter in the Story of Twentysomethings (David C. Cook, 2010), co-authored with Abbie Smith and Reggie Joiner.
He and his wife, Barbara, have been married for ten years and have two daughters, Karis and Hope.
