Tag: boundaries

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The Objectification of Women

For the past 10 years, I have been privileged to be the pastor, counselor, mentor, “Dad,” spiritual guide, and friend to hundreds upon hundreds of students at Florida State University.

We’ve discussed everything from theology to dating to vocations and callings. We’ve laughed together, and we’ve cried. Some talks have brightened my days, and some have broken my heart.

Among the heartbreakers, a persistent, nagging theme has recently emerged via three different, but related, issues…

Blogathons, Student Culture, Trends & Issues

How Far Is Too Far?

“If God was looking down on you, would it look any different to Him?”

I was in college and struggling with setting physical boundaries with my current boyfriend. I knew that God intended sex for within the confines of marriage and believed there were consequences if I disobeyed, but I wasn’t sure where the line was. How far is too far? I knew I felt shame and guilt for some of the behavior I had engaged in, but was it really wrong or was I over re-acting?

I shared these thoughts with my friend and mentor, Jenn.

Student Culture, Trends & Issues

The Voices They Hear

Parents play a powerful role in the development of their children.

Seems obvious to say, yet I think we can tend to forget this truth when we work with students on college campuses — primarily because we don’t see parents, just students.

Sure, from time to time our students might bring their parents up in conversation. But it can be all to easy to forget that the ways in which our students think, believe, and live are without doubt a product of the ways and environments in which they were raised.

It’s true for all of our students — those who are thriving and those who are not.

Big Ideas & 'Best Of'

An Experiment in Being Present

I recently had the pleasure of enjoying lunch with a couple of friends — and a few strangers.

And when one of the young guys put his phone in the middle of the table, two others quickly followed — and then looked at the two of us who had yet to clue in.

As I looked at the growing pile of phones, and then back at the young guy who started the pile, he could see that I needed an explanation.

“The game,” he said, “is quite simple. The first person to reach for the phone — for any reason — buys lunch.”

“YIKES!” I thought.

Leadership Development, The Campus Minister

The Power and Peace of “No”

“No.”

How often to you use this word? Do you feel the freedom to use it — to tell people no, to turn down a request?

My guess is the answer to that question is “no.” Or at least, not very often.

We feel called by God — to serve others. To be available. To make a difference.

“No,” just feels so unhelpful — even unChristian.

But is it?

Leadership Development, The Campus Minister

Hiding Behind Busy

In the last year, I’ve gotten to a place where the hamster wheel that I feel like I’m on is spinning out of control. Because I’ve been on the hamster wheel for, oh, about 25 years (I perfected managing a schedule, balancing responsibilities, and not lying around at a very early age), I actually know better how to live busy than I do to live balanced. I’ve explained to friends and family for years… okay, decades, that “things are going to slow down soon,” or “I’m just hustling now and I will get a break in a couple of weeks.”

In the midst of the busyness of ministry, I’ve learned that perhaps busyness is masking a dirty little secret. In the last year as I’ve examined both the cause and the cost of my busyness, I’ve begun to wonder if sometimes my busyness is actually…

Leadership Development, The Campus Minister

The Freedom of Being Scheduled

I’ve learned, I can’t do everything. In fact, I’ve learned that if I don’t do some things, I can’t do anything.

It probably became a reality for me when my two boys were busy with sports, school, and church activities. I grew up without a father, so I wanted to be there for everything they did. I was successful for the most part, but that meant balancing their plans with running a business, serving on the city council, as well as dozens of appointed boards because of my elected position. I was in over my head.

Leadership Development, The Campus Minister

A Rich but Often Overlooked Resource for Self Leadership

While we lead others, we must lead ourselves. I often say to students who are planning on going into ministry, “We lead with our lives.” Ministry is, in one big sense, witness. Not infallible witness (we are all flawed, so please don’t climb on the inadequacy bandwagon), but witness, nonetheless.

In the best ministry, we are transparent, vulnerable, even when we’re assertively taking charge and doing great things.

This is the paradox of spiritual leadership.

Leadership Development, The Campus Minister

Staff Meeting For One

As I walk into a familiar local deli, I am greeted by a hostess who smiles and says, “Staff Meeting for one?” I smile and nod to acknowledge that it is, in fact, Monday morning and time for my weekly staff meeting…with myself.

Over coffee and a danish, I call the meeting to order, seeing that all are present, and I begin the process of getting on the same page with myself for the week. For the next hour, I will spend time in prayer and Scripture reading, then look over my week and begin to chart out the happenings of the next seven days.

This meeting is critical to the overall outcome of my week. The days of going into the week blind, only addressing the issues as they come, are over. If I am going to lead others, I must first lead myself.