Updated 2/23/12

In a previous post I talked about the 5 Reasons Your Student Leaders Will Quit On You.

Today I want to move from why they quit, to how they quit.

We often refer to our student leaders as some of our ‘best and brightest’.

And while this might very well be true, and while they may be more mature — in a number of areas — in comparison to their peers, they are still a part of a season of life known as Emerging Adulthood (or Prolonged Adolescence).

One of the key characteristics of this Emerging Adulthood season of life is a strong desire to enjoy all of the new-found adult freedoms that come with graduating from high school and moving off to college; coupled with an UNwillingness to take on many of the adult responsibilities that come along with those same freedoms.

I think we see some of the ‘best’ in our students — when they’re excelling in their roles.

But what happens when they struggle?

What happens when they decide to quit?

For many students… this is when the immaturity of the Emerging Adulthood years presents itself.

Consider this video from Aqualung, entitled Easier to Lie (Lyrics below)

To bear the weight
and push into the sky
it’s easier to lie
it’s easier to lie

And honestly
to look you in the eye
it’s easier to lie
it’s easier to lie

To be the one
to be the only one
something has to give a lot
something has to give a lot

And who am I
to give you what you need
when I’m learning
just learning
Learning how to live and

to bear the weight…
and push into the sky
it’s easier to lie
it’s easier to lie

And honestly
to look you in the eye
it’s easier to lie
it’s easier to lie

To fill the space
the space you made for me
try to be the one you want
try to be the way you want

And maybe I
could be the one you need
if you’d only
show me
Show me how to live and

how to bear the weight
And push into the sky
it’s easier to lie
easier to lie

And do what’s right
when everything is wrong
it’s easier to run
it’s easier to

Never have
to look you in the eye
it’s easier to lie
it’s easier to lie

To bear the weight
and push into the sky
it’s easier to lie

—————————

Our students, in the midst of adversity, can struggle with: truth, confrontation, responsibility and ownership of their choices.

So they look for an easy way out…

And they lie.

And they avoid.

Or maybe even worse, they send a text… or an email.

I quit.

I’m done.

And you know that the reason they give has absolutely nothing to do with the real reason(s) behind their decision… but their embarrassed to tell the truth which often compels them to cut-ties and run far away.

Or, it’s quite possible that they don’t even know the truth behind why they want to quit… they just know they want out. Now.

And so they look for the least personally painful, least confrontational, most passive way possible in which to tender their leadership resignation.

Which then leaves us with a choice…

Do we let them off the hook?

Or do we make them learn how to deal with it (yes, even quitting) like an adult?

It can be easy to want to cast these drop-out leaders to the side… knowing that WE are now left with a leadership hole to fill…

But I think there’s something incredibly significant that happens when adult leaders are willing to take the time to walk through a healthy process of quitting with our students… because there ARE good, legitimate reasons for quitting mid-year.

Asking the hard questions.

Challenging some of their forgone conclusions.

Giving them space to explore, and share, what’s really going on.

And the goal is NOT that they will change their mind, and stay on our leadership team (although that might happen), but instead that they might learn how to do this better in the future.

Quitting.

Stepping down.

Stepping away.

There might be a lot of good reasons to do so.

But there are but a few good ways in which to do so well.

Are we willing to take this opportunity to help our students grow? develop? mature?

If not, why not?