The Problem With Being Present [With My Family]

By Nathan FosterThe Campus Minister

I love my family.

I can’t begin to describe the intimate connection I feel when I think of my kids. I never knew I could love this much.

Yet I’m not really a very good father. Can I admit that I’m easily distracted and often get bored when I hang out with my kids? In spite of my persistent desire to wake them up at night because I miss them, in spite of the butterflies I get when I stare at them, sometimes I can’t handle more the 15 minutes of running around the park or playing hide and seek.

I often wonder what is wrong with me that after a couple of hours of watching my kids I’m anxious to run away.

I’m sure it doesn’t help that it seems like I always have work to do and my schedule is so flexible that I can almost always take time off. Or, that I’ve become horribly addicted to technology. I hold in my pocket the wonders of the Internet, emails, and texts. At any given moment I’m only seconds away from a hit of global communication. So I trade the absurdity of reading a twitter feed for gazing at the wonder of childhood and the insatiable laugh of my children.

I’m not writing today to judge myself, but rather explore some solutions. I don’t have much but a couple of simple ideas.

  1. Rather than trying to be Super Dad for half a day, if I take small bits of time it’s easier. Can I be really present for the next ten or thirty minutes?
  2. Do activities that we both enjoy (reading, trampoline, biking) instead of always trying to engage in intimidating imaginative play.
  3. Leave the phone and computer alone.

I wonder what others do to stay engaged with their families? You got any ideas for me?

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Nathan Foster is assistant professor of social work at Spring Arbor University (Spring Arbor, Michigan). He has been a counselor and founded/directed Door of Hope Counseling (Arvada, Colorado). He is married and has two children.  Nathan is also the author of Wisdom Chaser (Intervarsity Press – April 2010).  You can keep up with what Nathan is working on at www.nathanfosterprojects.com. You can find him on Facebook and Twitter.  You can also reach him at wisdom[dot]chaser[at]yahoo[dot]com.

 

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3 thoughts on “The Problem With Being Present [With My Family]”

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  3. In my life with my children I had those feelings as well. As an older parent with my children grown I have determined that although I loved my children, I didn’t respect them. Especially as little people that depended on me to see them as the most important people in my life. I most generally chose my friends or adult activities over them, and they really had to “fit in” to what was happening in my life. This may not be what is happening with you, but this was a mistake I made, and wish I could have a “do over”.

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