I was recently made aware of this article in USA TODAY that was posted back in March of 2011. The article, entitled: More college “hookups,” but more virgins, too, offered up some great insight into the world of college relationship today.

The article include some statistics, analysis and personal narrative in the areas of:

• Participating in the hookup culture out of necessity
• An aversion to commitment among young people
• Trends towards choosing abstinence

There’s a lot packed into this one article…

But it was in reading the first section on participating in the hookup culture that really grabbed my attention. Specifically, it was the claim that the ratio of women to men on campus (in 2009, women made up 56% of the student population at colleges and universities) is playing a major role in the current hookup culture.

Young women are feeling (and believing) that young men have the “upper hand” in the world of relationships simply because of the numbers, and therefore feel compelled to “compete” for the smaller pool of men on campus.

Many of these young women are compromising on what they want most — a relationship rooted in a growing emotional connection with their male counterpart — by giving the young men what they want — a physical encounter — hoping that they might eventually “back their way” into a relationship (see my post on the Relational Attachment Model to gain some context).

As I talked with Dr. John Van Epp (who happened be on campus for our Sex & the Soul emphasis week) about this his immediate response was, “it will have to be the women who choose to take a stand and demand something different… because the guys won’t.”

Those are some harsh words… and sadly, I think they are true — for the most part.

If the guys feel (or believe) that they do indeed have the “upper hand” or control in a relationship (or the relational culture of the campus) — their mind, or their beliefs, or their convictions… or even their sense of decency and what’s “right”  may be quickly and easily overthrown by their hormones and desire for sexual gratification.

Not all, but many.

And I wish I didn’t have to confess that about my own gender… but I’ve worked with college students long enough to know this to be true.

Again, not for all… but for many.

Which means that our women will need to:

1. decide that they have had enough and deserve more than casual sex that leads them no where,
2. determine that they will no longer participate in the hookup culture, and
3. hold out for a guy who will respect this choice and be willing to put in the time, energy, prayer and effort that it will take to build a good, healthy, solid relationship the right way.

Without our young women choosing to take this stand… we may continue in this painful culture of casual hookups. And while that might not seem like a “bad thing” to the students currently engaged in it… the future that it is setting them up for is one filled with deep pain and major regret… among other things. I know, because I see it. On our campus. At our church. In our community. In the media. Everywhere.

Does this responsibility belong squarely on the shoulders of our young women — NO!

Is it a lot more likely that they will be the ones to catalyze change in this relational trend — yes.

So what do you think?

Do you see another way of breaking this cultural trend?

Do you believe this relational scenario — and what it will take to change it — puts too much pressure on our young women?

How can we engage our young men — who are often taking advantage of the numbers and the culture of hookup — such that they will choose to stand alongside their sisters-in-Christ and pursue a different — better — way of relating to the opposite sex?