What would it look like to be content in our waiting and with our sexuality, as both singles and marrieds, not because we’re perfect at waiting for sex or we’re perfectly sexual but because we’re content in our humanity, in our femininity and masculinity, in our longing for union with the trinity?
For the past 10 years, I have been privileged to be the pastor, counselor, mentor, “Dad,” spiritual guide, and friend to hundreds upon hundreds of students at Florida State University.
We’ve discussed everything from theology to dating to vocations and callings. We’ve laughed together, and we’ve cried. Some talks have brightened my days, and some have broken my heart.
Among the heartbreakers, a persistent, nagging theme has recently emerged via three different, but related, issues…
“If God was looking down on you, would it look any different to Him?”
I was in college and struggling with setting physical boundaries with my current boyfriend. I knew that God intended sex for within the confines of marriage and believed there were consequences if I disobeyed, but I wasn’t sure where the line was. How far is too far? I knew I felt shame and guilt for some of the behavior I had engaged in, but was it really wrong or was I over re-acting?
I shared these thoughts with my friend and mentor, Jenn.
The digital age has completely changed any conversation relating to sex. Statistics tell us that by the time a college student arrives on campus, they have been exposed to sexually explicit material for an average of seven years.
Those of us who work with students on a regular basis recognize the emotional and spiritual toll this takes on those on our campuses. We see the numbness, the apathy and the brokenness that often accompanies this saturation of explicit material.
Increasingly, I am becoming more aware of the physical manifestations of a sexual identity formed in the digital age. There is a growing amount of research relating to the actual neurological changes caused by long-term exposure to explicit material. The scientific term for this is neuroplasticity. Neurologically speaking, route behaviors we participate in have the ability to wire our brain to respond in certain ways and to specific stimuli.
I’m not sure I’m in the best position to make a contribution to this blogathon, given its topic, Sex and the Soul. I have grown long in the tooth and I find myself sounding like my parents.
But, I must be honest: I think the topic looms huge, the veritable 500-pound gorilla always there in the corner of the room.
Maybe a story from my own college experience will help to frame my concern.
I’m excited to announce that as a part of next week’s Sex & the Soul Blogathon, we will be giving away 5 copies of Abbie Smith’s forthcoming book Celibate Sex: Musings on Being Loved, Single, Twisted, and Holy.
Make sure to read all the way to the bottom to learn the context rules!
Sacrifice is not something we talk about much in our society.
It seems to fly in the face of everything our North American culture tells us we should be about.
Lookout out for #1.
Indulge yourself.
Take what you want.
Don’t hold back.
The world is yours.
You deserve it.
The problem of future is simple — it’s not now.
And today’s student has a hard time grasping much that is “yet to come.” It’s not that they’re dumb — in fact we know that quite the opposite is true of them. But with so much going on in this very moment, it’s hard to think much beyond it.
They understand the here and the now — because they’ve grown up in an “instant” culture.
About a year ago I wrote a post entitled: Overcoming a Culture of Instant Gratification. In it I talk about needing to introduce students the discipline of slow. Why slow? Because in slow — and only in the slow of life — can some things truly grow and take shape in the ways that they need to.
Preparation for the next blogathon is now underway!
As you very well know, today’s college students are more wounded than ever. They’ve been exposed to, or personally experienced, a lot of pain and hurt in relation to sex, issues of sexuality, and their intersection with the Christian faith.
And what they need most are women and men who are willing to “get dirty” with them in order to understand the depths of their hurts.
They need someone like you and like me to come alongside them — suspending judgment — and journey with them towards healing, reconciliation, and redemption.
The 3rd Annual Sex & the Soul Blogathon…
It’s not your parent’s college anymore.
With technology, the landscape of college education has done a complete turnaround. Gone are the days of notebooks, printed syllabi, and textbooks.
Now it’s iPads, smartphones, and ebooks.
Here’s a look at the modern college student and how they fare technologically on the university campus.